Naples, Italy: Bringing Back Hope

“Italy is a romantically enchanting country famous for ancient history, magnificent architecture, unsurpassed cuisine, and world-class soccer players, yet it is spiritually dead. Less than 1,500 of its 30,000 cities and towns have a church that clearly preaches the Gospel.” - Team organization, 2013

Why Italy?

Serving God and sharing Jesus is a daily calling.  It’s a way of living that I have committed to carrying out, whether that be in a classroom, a coffee shop, or a foreign country.  What pulls my heart to Italy is that it has been forgotten.  While it is a first-world country, it’s struggling desperately to keep up.  This is even more true for the Neopolitans, who are viewed as worthless by many of their fellow countrymen.  I can't imagine being in Naples as a young adult and trying to find answers to that age old question “what are you going to do with your life.”  There just aren’t a lot of options at this point.  I feel for these incredible Italians that I have come to know and love.  I want to go there and show them the hope that I have found, and it's in Jesus Christ.  Even with all of life’s uncertainties, I don't worry about tomorrow, because I am living today for Him.

Old Mill Camp: July 18-30

“Vecchio Mulino,” or The Old Mill Camp, is a very unique ministry and is one of very few  Christian camps in Italy.  It has become like an oasis for the young people of Naples, and provides a week where they can get away from the struggles of their lives and be encouraged in their faith.  This age group has been hit particularly hard by the economy.  They are unable to afford college educations, unable to find work, are stuck in a rut .  The Old Mill Camp is a chance to give these young people a week away from the pressures of life to focus on what God has for them, to show them love and hope.  The students at the camp come from all different backgrounds, and many have never experienced the love of Christ.  Our goal is to build relationships that will last and show them Christ’s love and hope.

 Festival: September 4-18

Every other year during the month of September we help organize a mega-evangelistic event where local churches in Casoria or Arzano are located. This yearly event captivates the hungry-hearted in a region where there’s typically joblessness, despair.We work “mano-in-mano” with hundreds of volunteers from Delta Ministries.  

For two weeks we work to preach hope and life in the name of Jesus in many creative and inspiring ways. I am particularly excited about the opportunities for working alongside the young Italians that I'll have met at camp. It is a unique opportunity to pour love and life into the youth at the beginning of the summer, and then help disciple them to take what God is doing in their hearts and pour themselves into serving their peers.  It’s a beautiful picture of how Jesus’ church builds itself up.

Prayer!

I recently heard a quote by Oswald Chambers and it has become one of my favorites, “Prayer does not fit us for the greater work, prayer is the greater work.” With that in mind, please join me in praying for:

• Our team: that we would have unity and follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit
• The Italian church: that they will be encouraged by our presence and we would have wisdom in how to best love and support our brothers and sisters
• Italians we will be reaching with the gospel: that God will begin stirring in their hearts to prepare them for the message of hope and eternal life in Jesus
• My own spiritual journey: that God would continue to break my heart for the things that break His, and that I would continue to grow and become more like Jesus every day
• And however else the Spirit leads you to pray!

All men should strive, to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why.

I really think that the things you learn as a kid follow you throughout life. You learn what's right and wrong, you learn how to interact with people, you learn how to think about yourself and develop all sorts of opinions. A lot of these things are subconscious; I was never directly told to think that maybe I wasn't good enough or to be a bend-over-backwards people pleaser. Things happen, people treat you certain ways, and suddenly the truths that you surround yourself with are actually not all that true, and your entire outlook on life is skewed.

Everyone has some sort of issue. Most of us have multiple knotted, overlapping issues that we don't even want to acknowledge let alone untangle. This world is fallen and hurtful and putting on a happy face doesn't make it all okay. I've tried that approach and I think what it really does is make you feel isolated and start revolving everything in life around your own problems. It's a defense mechanism, for sure, but I feel like for me at least, to be so woe-is-me all the time was...well, pretty selfish.

I've been trying to root out this stuff in my own life, almost since it started happening. But paradigm shift is tricky. Not impossible, but it's a slow, healing process. I had felt this tension building up in my chest for a while, it was heavy and has annoyed the crap out of me. I didn't want to deal with it, I wanted to cover it up, make it go away. At that point I could even recognize my tendency to focus inwardly and become withdrawn, so I balked against the idea of actually turning to the source of those feelings.

Over time it got harder to ignore and I knew God was telling me that the things in my life that were burdening me wouldn't just disappear if I didn't give them any attention. And He was telling me that I was strong enough, with a little help, to face them head on.

So I sought some people out, amazing Godly women who know when to comfort and when to play hard ball, when to sit and listen, and best of all, how to lead by example. It's been easy in the sense that I'm so ready to get it all out and start piecing things together the right way. It's been hard in the sense that it goes deep deep deep and some of these things are so entwined in me that it hurts and tears and rips to get them out. But I want them out.

God's teaching me more these days about who I am, how I'm wired, why the heck I do some of the things I do or think the way I think, and that being vulnerable, even with the terrifying exposed feeling, is liberating and in the end, it's so much easier to not hide.

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People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them. - George Bernard Shaw

Have I learned anything yet?

Second term of nursing school and I still feel totally out of my league. It's been an in-one-ear-out-the-other sort of sensation pretty much the whole way, I'm getting the grade but I worry if I'm getting it in the way that matters most. My classmates are awesome people, I get along well with everyone and have a good study group going. My personal study habits have improved drastically (I may have actually kicked that nasty netflix habit, thank the Lord...).

For me, nursing school isn't my whole life. Sometimes I feel guilty, like I should be all-consumed by this, wrap up my identity in it, and filter out everything else so I can be the best. nurse. ever. But it's not like that. If I had to break it down, I think my time and thoughts and emotions are about 45% nursing. Not even half. It's still a formidable chunk, but I'm wondering if the way I divvy up time and energy is the most effective. I still have a lot of hours at work to squeeze in, I still volunteer at church and hang out with crazy jr. high kids every week, I still make time for friends and family and God. School is important, nursing is important, but I don't think those things will ever define me. Not completely anyway. I'm still figuring out how that makes me feel. In the moment, I think it takes a lot of the burden off my shoulders. If I flunk out, I'll survive. I would feel pretty lame, but I would move on. I don't know...I'm not going to flunk out, I promise, I'm just thinking what if's here.

Lastly, there is this part of my mind that is totally focused on how God is moving in my life. My heart for serving has had multiple outlets, the latest one being a summer missions trip to serve the people of Italy. I feel so blessed to have this opportunity, and am blown away by God's faithfulness. He hears my prayers and answers them in His perfect timing. He's good like that.

So overall, I feel like nursing school is just this small chapter in my life, with lots of unrelated footnotes strewn throughout and maybe the random diagram of how to assemble the perfect pie crust. It's not all serious or totally stressful or entirely consuming. I'm still making adjustments to the balance between school and life and everything therein, but we've got a workable format and a pie crust diagram that's bound to come in handy.

The Start of Something New

I decided to start writing again. I can't really say why…I mean I have a few theories. Nursing school is going to plunge me into a world of unknowns, and having an outlet for stress relief is…comforting, I suppose. Or it could be that I need a productive way to procrastinate. Or that i am self absorbed and want to whine or complain or applaud myself for the world to see. Whatever. I'm doing it.

So the first week…and a half: check. It was kind of like waiting for Christmas, the emotional build-up, the nerves, the not being able to sleep the night before, and the spending of LOTS of money. Then BAM it's here and it's crazy and it's over. The first day at least.

I'm realizing that I am going to have to really discipline myself here. Time management is not a strong point of mine, and I've always been able to pretty much get away with it and BS my way through whatever I slacked off on. Not this time. I mean, what we're learning now is critical. It could save or cost someone's life someday (and I'm not just trying to be dramatic…for the most part). So I want to know it and retain it and put all the pieces together.

I feel totally inept, and I don't think that feeling's going away anytime soon, but I have to let it motivate rather than discourage. And if anyone wants to buy me pie and hold up flash cards for me every once in a while I wouldn't say no. :)

Back In The Swing Of Things

The past few weeks have been pretty crazy. I stayed a week with a local family, which was pretty intense, hosted a Camp Ventana group, and then had a trying week of spring break vacationing. I don't know exactly what to share, but God has been moving in tremendous ways in my life. Every day I'm learning how to love him more and more, rely on him for complete joy, and how to apply that to my relationships with others. It's been a difficult few months, seeking direction and not getting immediate answers. I'm learning a lot of patience and how to put God's desires before my own, even when I can't make sense of it. It's been good.

Culiacan, If That Means Anything To You

I guess it's time to update before I become so intimidated by the amount of time passed that I just forgo the whole thing all together. This won't be the most complete or lengthy update, but it's something, I suppose.

Culiacan ended up being much more of a dramatic experience than I had planned for. As soon as we got off the plane we were given a spiel about how they are not responsible for us if we are taken hostage and what to do if we are, in fact, kidnapped. It was all good advice, but it was an even better first impression. It seemed more comical than anything. My ignorant feelings of youth and invincibility, no doubt.

I ended up staying in Culiacan (with the missions organization there) for two weeks longer than my group...a strange serious of events involving visions and verses and various visits to make desperate payphone phone calls. It was one of the most challenging experiences I've ever had...I felt alone and isolated, with the language barrier and the lack of a support system and the way God was breaking my heart.

Overall, Culiacan undoubtedly changed my life. I have to admit I didn’t exactly come to Culiacan with fear and trembling. Instead I brought along with me a well-rounded plethora of expectations, most of which God turned upside down. I expected to be worked to the bone, but instead I was challenged to socialize with hours of free time. I expected to be amidst the first charge leading people to Christ, but instead I was challenged to pray from the sidelines. I expected to be broken by what I saw in the camps, but instead I was challenged to look inside myself and contend with my own brokenness. God is tearing away all the things in my life that I have cleaved to for so long until all I have left is Jesus. It is painfully liberating.

Mi Vida Pongo En Tus Manos

You know those moments when you are like "wow, I can't wait to blog about this"? I used to think it was a ridiculous feeling that I would never succumb to, but alas, I have had at least a dozen such moments these past two weeks. I will try to pick out a few highlights.

Probably one of the top bloggable moments was my first experience at the youth group here, called Revo. Only a few of us went because it was a last minute kind of thing. There were about 15 or so local kids there, a decent turn out from what I've heard. The leaders pulled Michaelene and I aside right at the beginning and asked us if we wanted to participate in a "dynimico" which I think is some kind of a skit. They, Gio and Patti, spoke decent English but we still didn't quite understand what they wanted us to do...so of course we said we'd do it. From what I understand, Michaelene was blind and I was "almost dying". They lead us up to a stage in which there was a large stone pit, I think it is a rustic baptismal of some sort. Michalene and I got inside with three other local boys. Then Gio starts saying, "Shannon, you are dying!" and shakes himself and gestures towards me, and Sam, one of the Ventaneros, says, "Shannon, you're supposed to have seizures!" So there we are, in the four foot cold stone pit that is kind of wet and kind of smelly with three boys who don't speak a lick of English, and I start convulsing and Michaelene is blindfolded and we have no idea what we are doing. Then the rest of the kids come and stand around us and start speaking Spanish so quickly that ten words sounds like one word and Michaelene keeps asking "Who me? Who me?" and I am wobbling around and everyone is laughing and wow, what an ice breaker, huh? It's actually kind of funny.

Saturday night we went to a local worship concert in Ensenada. It was basically Hillsong in Spanish, very energetic and passionate and incredible. After the experience Friday night I was able to go up to a lot of the Porve kids and talk to them without worrying about making an idiot out of myself (been there done that kind of thing). It was so refreshing to experience the kind of uninhibited worship that it seems like only youth can grasp, and a warehouse in Ensenada was the last place I expected to feel reconnected with God in such an emotional way, let alone in Spanish! I love the Spanish worship, not only because it's a beautiful language but because I have to think more about what I am saying...and because even the conservative churches here are filled with a sincere desire to worship God...passionate is one of the words that keeps coming to mind.

I am thankful for all those years of Spanish I took in school, I am able to understand a lot and am getting better at speaking it every day. One skill I didn't think would come in handy however, was math, yet I helped Gio, the youth pastor, with some algebra work for his daughter one Sunday at church. It was the most random awesome connection, and I was shocked that I even remembered how to divide fractions.

The girls have also gone around and presented ourselves to several of the neighbors, it seems like everyone in Porvenir is related (or at least our neighbors are!). It was a good chance to connect with a few girls our age and their families. We have also all been hanging out with a local boy named Tatan, he's 16, a junior in la prepa here, but school doesn't start until February so he's been hanging out at Ventana almost every day. He speaks very good English and has helped me a lot with my Spanish, so it's easy for us all to communicate. We jokingly call him the other Ventanero, and he's joining us when we got to Culiacan in about a week. We're all pretty excited to have him along (if nothing else he can help translate!). But he's been a blast.

Speaking of Culiacan, we are leaving February 1st at about 3 in the morning. Culiacan is in central Mexico and is notorious for drug trafficking and migrant workers. So we're going down to work with the indigenous people who come to Culiacan to work the fields. They live in cramped, dirty, poverty stricken camps that we'll be traveling to each day, showing the Jesus Film in their own various languages (most of the people there won't speak Spanish). It sounds like it is going to be a very challenging and draining and rewarding experience. We are going with a bunch of Mexican nationals, and to be honest, I feel like I am not bringing very much to the table on this one. Usually I feel pretty competent, like I at least have something to offer...it's almost refreshing to not have to worry about what I can do and just let go and let Christ work through me. Not so much pressure, I guess. But yeah, we could all use as much prayer as we can get, just pray that God moves in Culiacan!

Mi vida pongo en tus manos
Dios de gracia vengo en hulmidad
En tu presencia quiero estar

My life I put into your hands
God of grace I come in humility
In your presence I want to be

Settling In

Wow, it has been awhile, yes? For those of you who don't know, I'm now in Porvenir, Mexico, living here for the next five months or so.

I arrived last Monday and have been settling in over the past week. The girls get a house to ourselves, a double wide trailer strait from the 70's. It's actually very nice, three rooms, two full bathrooms, a kitchen, dining room, living room, and a few random storage closets. I'm in the largest bedroom with three other girls, and I've enjoyed nesting into my area.

We spent Wednesday through Friday in Tijuana. We stayed in a place called El Castillo, a pretty awesome but rather drafty stone building right in the midst of the city. We took classes on all the different languages (body language, tone, smell, space, etc.) and some particular ways Mexicans communicate within these areas. Then we were kind of let loose in pairs to wander the city and observe said behaviors. It was a little intimidating at first, but we were all safe and learned a lot. For example, if you want to say thank you to a fellow driver in Mexico, you hold up your hand to them with the back of your hand facing them, and this comes from when people would tip their hats to one another. Also, there is a distinct difference between how you indicate the height of a thing, animal, or person, and each way you gesture differently. I tried fried cactus for the first time and took a taxi.

We also went to an upper middle class mall one night. It looked exactly like something I would have seen in California, except everyone was dressed nicer. It is the norm in Mexico to dress up every time you leave the house, and people tend to dress nicer than they can afford. It was a different side of Mexico than the impoverished villages I had seen on previous mission trips.

Saturday night we went to La Confra, a youth conference in Ensenada. Everyone was dressed to impress (kind of like a lot of youth and college groups in the US, right?). The worship was by far my favorite part of the evening. I was framiliar with a few of the songs' English translations, but even the ones I didn't know were powerful and moving. The speaker was over my head most of the time, but I could tell that he was straight to the point and passionate. By the end of the night there were about twenty kids who went to the front to accept Christ. It was awesome to not understand exactly what was going on but to still feel God moving.

Earlier today we spent about an hour at Casa de Gabriel, an orphanage for handicapped and HIV positive children. It's always been a challenging place for me (I've visited Casa de Gabriel in previous spring break trips). The kids are all adorable and beautiful and amazing, but it's hard not to dwell on their circumstances and be sad. We spoke with the lady who runs the orphanage today and she gave us a better perspective on things. She told us about the kids' prior circumstances, some had lived in cages, some where tied to chairs all the time without food or water, some were left to wander around on their own...Casa de Gabriel is a huge blessing for all the kids who get to go there. I guess the ones I should really be sad for is the children who are still living in horrible situations.

We also go shopping every two weeks for our own breakfasts and lunches for each house. So the girls got together and tried to make a plan...it was not quite chaotic but it was difficult and tiring and frustrating. Everyone had preferences and opinions and no one knew exactly what would work for eight of us for two weeks. So today we went to Costco with a faint plan in mind...I think we got enough of the right foods to survive for two weeks, but will definitly be a trial and error kind of week. But all in all, a good and necessary experience.

It has been nice not having internet or phones in Porvenir. We are all more likely to hang out with God and each other, and I've been having a good time getting into a few good books (including the Bible). I could definitly use prayer for patience with myself, feeling like it is okay to mess up and stumble over my Spanish, and not being too proud or embarrased to try and connect with the locals.

Right now I'm sitting in a McDonalds getting my internet-slash-cheeseburger fix. Authentic, I know. I guess I will have to make up for it by eating delicious local tacos tonight. Sigh. Such is life.

Homecoming Queen

Se we're down to the final stretch. Classes are over, work projects are done, and the most strenuous event on the horizon is packing and clean up. Hopefully I can fit all my stuff back into my suitcase...

We are losing one of our leaders at the end of this term, due to financial strains Laura won't be continuing with us to Mexico. It's been a big shock and difficult to deal with, but Laura has handled it graciously and has been a great example of trusting in God even when life doesn't seem to make sense.

I am pretty ready to come home now, I love everyone here, but even the knowledge that we're leaving soon makes me want to leave soon, if that makes sense. I'm looking forward to catching up with everyone and actually having some solo time--they really, really stress community involvement at Ventana, not exactly my forte. :)

Focus

Well last week I had an "impressive" infection of strep throat. Thankfully (and unexpectedly), my medical insurance doesn't run out until the end of the year, so we were able to take care of it with minor dips into my savings account. It was a huge blessing to not have to shell out hundreds of dollars for a doctor's visit.

Overall, the past few weeks have been pretty overwhelming. Both academically, physically, and relationally. I am being pressed to my limits in many different areas, and honestly, it's making me kind of cranky. On top of all these exertions, I haven't been filling myself up again.

We had a devotional the other morning about Martha and Mary and I came to the realization that throughout all this Biblical study, all this going out in God's name, all this friendship building and socially interacting...despite the focus on Christ, I haven't spent any actual time at Jesus' feet. I have been bustling around like Martha, keeping busy but not actually just sitting and basking in God's presence. It's a lame realization to come to, but a necessary one.

I think once that's straightened out, it will be easier to diligently face my schoolwork, to do grueling work projects with a smile, and to love on my peers even if they're annoying the crap out of me. So here it goes.

Getting There

One of the most unique experiences I have had thus far at Ventana is working with the homeless in Santa Cruz. This past Wednesday I had the opportunity to hang out on Pacific Avenue, a short strip that encapsulates the best and the worst of Santa Cruz. We are given five dollars, intended to be used to buy someone a drink or meal, and are let loose to just go love on people for two and a half hours. It felt so unnatural at first to strike up conversations with a stranger, to initiate the avoided eye-contact, to say hi and not keep walking. However, each time it got easier, and each time I recognized more and more people. I have been able to establish relationships with people who I normally never come into contact with…How strange it feels to walk down the street in the heart of a foreign city and recognize so many people there!

Don’t get me wrong, the experience has not been any sort of boon to self-satisfaction in feeling generous and kind and loving. It has been a lesson in how blindly I walk through life, concerned with myself and too busy or self-absorbed to care about others.

Ventana is definitely not the ooey gooey feel good kind of ministry. It isn’t an enormous, extended spiritual high of yay me for choosing Jesus. There’s something about being in a consistent community of believers, all at similar places in life, that drags the worst of me to the surface. We experience intimacy of friendship that permeates the casual acquaintances our generation is so accustomed to. We get angry when we are angry and get sad when we are sad, something that makes sense on paper but is frowned upon in our stoic, rushed society. We break through the artificial happy faces and feel uncomfortably comfortable with one another.

My poor attitude flares up continually, my insecurities take on an air of jealousy and judgment, my self-satisfaction, my confidence in being a Christian is seen as it truly is—pride in my actions and choices rather than humble acceptance of the gift of grace. I am being reminded daily how far I am fallen from the perfection I fool myself into believing is attainable.

Yet I love it? There is something about the phoniness of society that never appealed to me. However, it is dangerously possible to go from one extreme to another, to regard the rest of the world as starry-eyed and idealistic, while in fact fooling yourself into believing you have risen above. The kind of reality here is not simply a more cynical disenchantment of looking into who we are, not the approach of the intellectual or the approach of the world-weary follower, believing they are the ones who truly understand Christ. It is more so the approach of the ragamuffin, undeserving of grace but aware and passionately grateful for it.

“More pleasing to Me than all your prayers, works, and penances is that you would believe I love you.”

U·biq·ui·tous Up·date

I really didn't want to start off my blog by saying, "Hey everyone! I've started a blog!" or "Well, folks, I've hopped on the blog train!" or "This is my blog," but then I ended up saying all three so I guess I am fated to sound like a technologically challenged middle aged cat lady attempting to make shallow friends via the internet.

Ventana has been incredible, but not in the ways I had imagined. The school work is intense and challening, the work days are long and very physical, the people are amazing and strange, and God continues to show up in ways I had never expected.

I love our classes. I am learning so much and love it. All of the classes seem to overlap and connect together, and a lot of our textbook authors quote each other (one has even quoted himself...it was kind of weird). I am really excited about how real the Bible is becomming, how I have been able to dig into passages and extract meaning that applies to not only my life, but life in general.

We work three days out of the week with the camp we're staying at, Mission Springs. It's actually calledd "Service Learning" because we're being taught valuable lifeskills...I think maybe they are trying to market mannual labor as a fun opportunity. But the staff we have been working with are great and I've actually learned a few things, believe it or not. I have stained and sanded and unbolted and rebolted and hammered and and mannually inserted earplugs (in my own ears, by the way) and swept and even used power tools. And only one blister so far.

We don't have a lot of free time and have limited access to cell phones and laptops (so we don't isolate ourselves and forgo socialization), but I think it is for the best.

Anyway, it's getting late and I have homework I should go pretend to work on.